Love Isn’t An Emotion, So What Is It?

What’s up guys! Today I want to talk about romantic relationships, and the multiple stages of and experiences in what we collectively call ‘being in love.’ We’ve all heard the phrase, ‘love at first sight’ and have decided whether we agree or disagree with the concept long ago. But, what if I were to tell you that it isn't inherently either wrong or right, but simply a matter of how you define love?

Stick with me. So, an emotion is a reaction to stimuli: anger to things you dislike, sadness to an emotional hurt, happiness to things going your way, fear at something you can’t control. In short, emotions are a hardwired response to our environment, and have been critical to our day-to-day survival.

In contrast, an instinctual drive is more complex. Still hardwired, but more constant and persistent than changing emotions, our drives push us towards our goals or needs. Hunger towards food, thirst towards water, a strong desire for belonging and acceptance towards people, and even our will to survive is a drive pushing us away from danger. Love falls into this category.

We have a deep-seated need to give love and feel loved, and the lack thereof produces a number of negative side-effects. That isn’t an emotion. The first stages of being ‘in love’ give us euphoria, the sensation we associate with love (and being drunk/high). We chase that high, but it won’t and can’t last. Yet, we still need to love and be loved in return.

Think back to your past relationships, or even your interactions with family and close friends. If you’re like most people, you love your parents and/or siblings even when you’re angry as hell with them. You love them when they annoy you, when they hurt you, or do any number of things that make you unhappy. That’s because love is more than an emotion, it is a drive, a choice, a necessary part of our lives.

Just like sex, love is a drive that doesn’t seem immediately necessary for our survival, but it is. We are social creatures, and not particularly strong or capable on our own. But in groups, we have spread across the planet, and our drive to form close social bonds and have children are some of the key reasons why.

So, the next time you hear about a couple falling ‘in love at first sight,’ or find yourself feeling the same, know it’s a primal part of yourself driving you towards another. Even when it develops slowly, love is the deepest reaches of your being longing to open up to another, to share your life and hopes and have as a companion until old age does us in. Love is our need for intimacy and affection, feeling connected, valued and understood. Love at first sight isn’t an emotion as much as a longing all of us share, and as terrifying as our fear of failure is, love is worth risk.

Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...

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