How To Work Out Any Problem In Relationships

So we all have that friend that is constant drama. We at the very least know of such people, even if we avoid them. They always seem to be in one argument or another with their boy or girlfriend, and generally bring drama everywhere they go. Hell, you might even be that person in your group of friends.

I’ve had several friends like this over the years, and one of my best friends since childhood, alongside her list of boyfriends, has been ruining parties and game nights and bar hopping evenings for everyone around more times than I care to count. Today, I want to talk about how you can avoid these people, prevent or stop yourself from being that person, and escape the types of relationships that consistently go down in flames.

There's no doubt it takes ‘two to tango' in a relationship, you can be incredibly calm and mature and still have a terrible go of it all. Knowing when to leave can be key, but for now we'll focus on more steady relationships. Presuming things with your significant other are fairly normal, refrain from using absolutes. 'Always' and 'never' are dangerous, and leave your partner feeling unappreciated. Instead, say things like “you rarely do this” or “you often forget to do this,” and offer a solution afterwards instead of blanket blame.

Avoid personal insulting and venting, it inhibits solutions to your problems from being introduced and earnestly discussed. Instead, present the problem at hand as plainly as possible and explain why you need things to change and how much it frustrates you. Be honest with your partner about your frustration while also acknowledging what they do right or correctly, what you love about them or how much better things have gotten.

Don’t drop the issue to avoid confrontation, and don’t steamroll your partner to end the argument on your terms. Listen to your partner’s perspective, and do your best to compromise and reach a resolution, yet be unapologetic about your own views and feelings. This involves a give-and-take strategy, and when both parties are on the same page, can and will produce beautiful results.

Additionally, don’t simply state what angers you or what you want changed before walking away like everything is fine. Sarcastically saying something akin to, "It's fine, do whatever you want," in a clearly upset manner helps nothing, and results in a greater break in communication that will only be amended upon openly talking about the issue calmly. There are times simply acknowledging a problem exists will be therapeutic, then letting things calm down before discussing a good idea, but don't let that time become a long-term event which results in kicking the proverbial can down the road.

Have boundaries each party must respect. These can be as obvious as not hitting each other, to avoiding talking about each other’s family members except when necessary. Make it work for your relationship, and stick with them. Openly discuss emotional triggers, phrases or actions which really get under your skin, when you argue so the two of you can avoid falling into the same explosive arguments time and again. It really cannot be said enough: communication is key.

To recap, avoid absolutes, insulting and venting. Be honest and fair to your partner’s positive traits, yet don’t drop the issue to avoid it nor steamroll as a petty attempt to win. Avoid simply saying what angers you before dropping it and declaring yourself fine, instead wait for a response and explain yourself as fully as you need to. And finally, set up reasonable boundaries both of you are clear about. Don’t be afraid to adjust any of these elements as time goes on, and don’t beat yourself or your partner up for not being perfect in conflict resolution.

Put these concepts into effect, and watch your relationships reach a whole new level of fulfillment. Best of luck!

Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...

YouTube channel here.

American Dream: Do Immigrants Threaten Our Way Of Life?

Welcome back! Today I want to talk about the American Dream, the average American, and what that has meant in our history. We’ve all heard the phrase, ‘A Nation of Immigrants’ as a common description of the United States, but rarely bother thinking about what new arrivals to our shores went through and continue to face.

From the Dutch and British founding small colonial outposts on the Atlantic coast of North America, to waves of German, Irish, Scandinavian, Chinese, Italian, Jewish, Polish and other immigrants fleeing hunger and persecution in the late 1800s, to the waves of Asian, Latin American and Eastern European migrants we’ve embraced since the 1960s, looking to escape oppressive regimes or create a new life for their families, America has so often represented freedom, hope, and the promise of a brighter future.

Nonetheless, as much as we welcome, “Your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,” as our Statue of Liberty proudly proclaims, we are a nation of immigrants that distrust, fear, and sometimes openly hate, every new wave of immigrants.

Our Founding Fathers were concerned about Anglicizing the ‘new’ German and French arrivals before they converted the English settlers to Catholicism. The Irish and Italians faced vitriolic hatred and violence upon arriving en masse to our shores. That’s not even mentioning the existence of legalized enslavement of fellow humans, or the continuous and persistent discrimination black, hispanic and Asian Americans have experienced throughout our history.

In spite of it all, every single nationality and ethnicity absorbed has persevered and contributed greatly to this country. Every people group has left a mark on our history, giving us new inventions and innovations, philosophy, scientific advancements, literature, music and food quintessential to the American experience today. Once distrusted and ridiculed, they are now an integrated part of the American mainstream.

And so it will be with every group after them. Be they Syrian refugees, a family fleeing Venezuela, or a college educated programer from India, America still strives to represent the best aspects of humanity. We’ve often failed to measure up to these values, and forget what our own ancestors went through to build a life here, but America has become one of the greatest nations on Earth for reasons beyond geography, religion or our form of government.

We are and will continue to be great because we embrace, “The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door.”

Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...

YouTube channel here.

How You Can Feel More Manly In Today's World

Welcome back. I'd like to start this off with a story. So, I have a friend whom I was meeting for lunch the other day. When I got to his place, his wife answered the door and told me my buddy was in the back room. As I approach, I walk in on him having a tea party with his four year old daughter, pinky extended with a comically undersized English hat and all. It was hilarious, with his tattooed arms and thick beard, but his reaction was the best part: he was calm, just looked at me with a big smile and said, “Ready to go?”

That was it! The guy was doing one of the least stereotypically masculine things one can imagine, yet I left there with the distinct impression this guy is a raging badass. And that, my friends, is the key to masculinity. Confidence, calm, collected, don’t-give-a-damn confidence.

Focus on what’s important to you, whether it be honing your strengths, improving your weaknesses, or a combo of both. Don’t be afraid to be a nerd or a gym-rat, and if you lean more one way than another, don’t be afraid to try something new.

Becoming a well-rounded person inherently improves your confidence, and with it, you will build a virtuous cycle of you accomplishing more, feeling more confident, and so on. Manliness comes from action, from doing that which defines you as a man.

Whether that be curling dumbbells or writing code, running a marathon or drawing superheroes, do it, work at it, set goals for yourself, and slowly get one accomplishment after another under your belt.

And crucially, being and feeling like a man means giving yourself permission to not overly care about what others think of you. We’re all going to be aware and conscious of how other’s respond to us, but don’t let it define you. You define your masculinity.

I’m a cop, have tattoos, work out regularly, have a loaded gun on or near me pretty much all the time, and tend to be considered a pretty masculine guy. Yet, I unapologetically love Disney movies, legitimately enjoy long walks on the beach, and will usually choose sweet and fruity alcoholic drinks if able. I am one of the nerdiest cops you will ever meet, and when my ex girlfriend finally got me to watch The Notebook with her, I teared up at the end. “I think our love can do anything we want it to.” It hits you in the feels!

And the best part is, I still feel manly as hell! Because the essence of masculinity is pursuing a life of passion, of loving deeply and chasing long-shot goals, staying light-hearted and never letting life stop you. Being a man is having cuddle-on-the-couch movie nights with your girl just as much as a night out with the guys. It’s taking time to invest in yourself, having friends and family you’d do anything for. Being a man is having an amazing, hat-wearing tea party with your four year old daughter. And, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...

YouTube channel here.

How To Develop A Magnetic Personality

When you think of charisma, who do you think of? Robert Downey Jr.? James Bond? Steve Jobs? President Obama? All are superb examples, but a focus on celebrity and the highest echelons of society can leave us feeling like we common folk simply don't have a hope of being so influential and likable. I'm here to tell you it doesn't take a master of social queues or an orator skilled at manipulating the masses to have a magnetic personality and draw everyone around to you. All it takes is the right skillset, and some practice.
Just like any other skill, charisma and likability can be learned. At its core, charisma involves being confident in yourself and investing in other people. It is learning about their lives and families, jobs and hopes for the future. Remembering details and names, to the best of your ability, and asking for updates when you see a given person again lets them know you care. Get to know a persons struggles, hobbies and thoughts on life, and find common ground to build rapport with them. Connect with people, and you will unlock depth and a willingness to share that even surprises them.

Imagine, if you will, a classic film showing a dapper spy or sultry femme fatale. What sorts of qualities would you immediately ascribe to him or her? Alluring, sexy, funny, charming, all legitimate descriptions. Fundamentally, they are all different aspects of charisma. The ability to ingratiate yourself with people, get them to like you and open up before extracting the information needed is precisely what makes for a good spy in such a setting. Yet, teachers, nurses, politicians, parents, managers, everyone can benefit from these skills, and put them to good use. Charisma isn't about manipulating people, it's about using your personality and charm to build as many personal alliances as possible.

So, if caring about people and showing it is the key to charisma, being confident and knowing your stuff is the lock. Being real about yourself, to yourself and others, and being willing to be at least a little bit vulnerable, is critical to people opening up and sharing with you. Humans inherently feel more at ease with a person willing to tell an embarrassing story about themselves or admit a humorous shortcoming, and taking advantage of this universal trait will allow you to develop a connection, however slight, with everyone around you. Leaving people with a positive impression of you, perhaps even a smile on their face, will pay dividends down the road.

Humor is one of the true keys here. Not everyone is born with a knack for making people laugh, but think about those that do. Chris Pratt, Dave Chapelle and Gabrielle Iglesias are all well known as funny and charismatic people because they're relatable and don't seem to take themselves too seriously. Apply this in your own life, as best you can, for maximum results. You don't need to be a professional comic or a celebrity to be funny. Even if you aren't currently gifted in 'making a funny,' working on being a little more self-deprecating when people discuss their own problems will go a long way towards allowing people to feel at ease around you.

Empathy, or identifying with other people and their perspectives, is really what much of this whole message comes down to. Confidence, a sense of humor, remembering details, taking an interest in others, these are all components of a charismatic person. It has long been this way, from ancient Rome to modern America, and will be such for the foreseeable future. No one is perfectly charming, we all have our off moods and days, and that fact can actually be used to boost your overall charm. We're all human, and that's what being likable is all about: tacitly giving people permission to open up about themselves, acknowledge how little we all really have our lives together, and connect with someone for just a little while before walking away with the distinct impression things will be okay.

Practice this, master these traits and qualities, put in the work with people around you, and watch the world open up in ways you'd never expect.

Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...

YouTube channel here.

How To Build Your Self Confidence

Out of every positive personality trait known to mankind, which would stick out to you as being the most important and predictive of future success? Intelligence? Kindness? Adaptability? There are many excellent traits to possess, yet to maximize and truly embody each of your best traits, one must focus on crafting, feeling and showing self-confidence. This is what we will cover today.

One of the most important things to realize about confidence is it's multidimensional, and more than anything, a mindset. Nerds and jocks, men and women, anyone and everyone can achieve confidence in a given area of their life. Confidence comes in two major varieties, inner confidence about who you are as a person, and specific confidence regarding individual skills or actions.

For example, a professional boxer is going to feel much more confident in the ring than a novice, and a competitive archer more so than someone who's never touched a bow. Writing, public speaking, dating, social skills, driving etc. are all examples of things in our lives we can work at to become proficient and feel confident in. The same goes for less common skillsets, like coding or mixed martial arts or archery. Specific confidence requires work, effort, a mastery of skills. As you improve your skillsets in a variety of areas, your overall confidence grows also.

A general or inner confidence, on the other hand, largely comes from working on yourself as a person. Not to be confused with false bravado, true self-confidence comes from being at peace with yourself, wielding your strengths to the best of your ability, and working on your weaknesses to become a more well-rounded person. Acceptance of your flaws, self-love and respect for all the ways you're working to better yourself are keys to becoming your best self.

Struggle with your dating life? Work on it, read up, put yourself in more co-ed environments and push yourself to have conversations with the sorts of people you find attractive. Feel insecure about your body? Work at it, go to the gym, do body weight workouts at home, restructure your eating habits, build muscle tone and definition while trimming the unwanted bits. Concerned about the future of your career? Work on it, go back to school, finish up qualifications and degrees to make you stand out, get training and internships, start your own business, get side-hustles going to bring in additional passive income. The bottom line is: no matter what you're doing or feel insecure about, work at it, one or two priorities at a time, and feel your confidence build ever higher.

Holding yourself high as you walk, swaying your hips or shoulders as you move, chest out and head up, keeping eye contact and actively engaging in conversations, speaking with a deeper, clear and steady voice, dressing in a manner that emphasizes traits you feel good about etc. are all excellent ways to show and express confidence. Project confidence everywhere you go, practice it along with your other desired skills, and over time you'll feel a steady improvement until embodying confidence feels natural to you.

Respecting yourself and others is key to showing true, internal, mature confidence. Take an interest in other people, ask about their lives and families, and see that interest returned to you. Likewise, when people mistreat you, don't be afraid to walk away. One of the key components of calm confidence is refusing to stay in unhealthy environments or around toxic people. Focus on your life, family, career and goals in your day-to-day life. Always be kind and respectful, yet remember what is truly important to you. Balancing these two realms of focus can be tricky at times, but when combined correctly, makes for a very charismatic and charming person.

And, if you struggle with self-love and your own image, consider speaking to someone. Therapy is excellent for talking things out with yourself. The whole point of the ordeal is for a professional to ask questions meant to get one thinking about their struggles, hurts and frustrations, and allow for emotional healing. While not necessary, getting someone to help guid you through the process of working on yourself is not a sign of weakness, but acceptance and strength. It can go a long way in helping you improve your self-worth and confidence.

So, work on yourself, wherever and however that can fit into your life. Improve your weaknesses and emphasize your strengths, and never lose sight of your priorities in life. Walk taller, project yourself more when speaking, don't let others walk over you, and stay calm and respectful as much as humanly possible. Before you know it, you'll be walking around like a regular James Bond.

Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...

YouTube channel here.