How You Can Feel More Manly In Today's World

Welcome back. I'd like to start this off with a story. So, I have a friend whom I was meeting for lunch the other day. When I got to his place, his wife answered the door and told me my buddy was in the back room. As I approach, I walk in on him having a tea party with his four year old daughter, pinky extended with a comically undersized English hat and all. It was hilarious, with his tattooed arms and thick beard, but his reaction was the best part: he was calm, just looked at me with a big smile and said, “Ready to go?”

That was it! The guy was doing one of the least stereotypically masculine things one can imagine, yet I left there with the distinct impression this guy is a raging badass. And that, my friends, is the key to masculinity. Confidence, calm, collected, don’t-give-a-damn confidence.

Focus on what’s important to you, whether it be honing your strengths, improving your weaknesses, or a combo of both. Don’t be afraid to be a nerd or a gym-rat, and if you lean more one way than another, don’t be afraid to try something new.

Becoming a well-rounded person inherently improves your confidence, and with it, you will build a virtuous cycle of you accomplishing more, feeling more confident, and so on. Manliness comes from action, from doing that which defines you as a man.

Whether that be curling dumbbells or writing code, running a marathon or drawing superheroes, do it, work at it, set goals for yourself, and slowly get one accomplishment after another under your belt.

And crucially, being and feeling like a man means giving yourself permission to not overly care about what others think of you. We’re all going to be aware and conscious of how other’s respond to us, but don’t let it define you. You define your masculinity.

I’m a cop, have tattoos, work out regularly, have a loaded gun on or near me pretty much all the time, and tend to be considered a pretty masculine guy. Yet, I unapologetically love Disney movies, legitimately enjoy long walks on the beach, and will usually choose sweet and fruity alcoholic drinks if able. I am one of the nerdiest cops you will ever meet, and when my ex girlfriend finally got me to watch The Notebook with her, I teared up at the end. “I think our love can do anything we want it to.” It hits you in the feels!

And the best part is, I still feel manly as hell! Because the essence of masculinity is pursuing a life of passion, of loving deeply and chasing long-shot goals, staying light-hearted and never letting life stop you. Being a man is having cuddle-on-the-couch movie nights with your girl just as much as a night out with the guys. It’s taking time to invest in yourself, having friends and family you’d do anything for. Being a man is having an amazing, hat-wearing tea party with your four year old daughter. And, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...

YouTube channel here.

How To Develop A Magnetic Personality

When you think of charisma, who do you think of? Robert Downey Jr.? James Bond? Steve Jobs? President Obama? All are superb examples, but a focus on celebrity and the highest echelons of society can leave us feeling like we common folk simply don't have a hope of being so influential and likable. I'm here to tell you it doesn't take a master of social queues or an orator skilled at manipulating the masses to have a magnetic personality and draw everyone around to you. All it takes is the right skillset, and some practice.
Just like any other skill, charisma and likability can be learned. At its core, charisma involves being confident in yourself and investing in other people. It is learning about their lives and families, jobs and hopes for the future. Remembering details and names, to the best of your ability, and asking for updates when you see a given person again lets them know you care. Get to know a persons struggles, hobbies and thoughts on life, and find common ground to build rapport with them. Connect with people, and you will unlock depth and a willingness to share that even surprises them.

Imagine, if you will, a classic film showing a dapper spy or sultry femme fatale. What sorts of qualities would you immediately ascribe to him or her? Alluring, sexy, funny, charming, all legitimate descriptions. Fundamentally, they are all different aspects of charisma. The ability to ingratiate yourself with people, get them to like you and open up before extracting the information needed is precisely what makes for a good spy in such a setting. Yet, teachers, nurses, politicians, parents, managers, everyone can benefit from these skills, and put them to good use. Charisma isn't about manipulating people, it's about using your personality and charm to build as many personal alliances as possible.

So, if caring about people and showing it is the key to charisma, being confident and knowing your stuff is the lock. Being real about yourself, to yourself and others, and being willing to be at least a little bit vulnerable, is critical to people opening up and sharing with you. Humans inherently feel more at ease with a person willing to tell an embarrassing story about themselves or admit a humorous shortcoming, and taking advantage of this universal trait will allow you to develop a connection, however slight, with everyone around you. Leaving people with a positive impression of you, perhaps even a smile on their face, will pay dividends down the road.

Humor is one of the true keys here. Not everyone is born with a knack for making people laugh, but think about those that do. Chris Pratt, Dave Chapelle and Gabrielle Iglesias are all well known as funny and charismatic people because they're relatable and don't seem to take themselves too seriously. Apply this in your own life, as best you can, for maximum results. You don't need to be a professional comic or a celebrity to be funny. Even if you aren't currently gifted in 'making a funny,' working on being a little more self-deprecating when people discuss their own problems will go a long way towards allowing people to feel at ease around you.

Empathy, or identifying with other people and their perspectives, is really what much of this whole message comes down to. Confidence, a sense of humor, remembering details, taking an interest in others, these are all components of a charismatic person. It has long been this way, from ancient Rome to modern America, and will be such for the foreseeable future. No one is perfectly charming, we all have our off moods and days, and that fact can actually be used to boost your overall charm. We're all human, and that's what being likable is all about: tacitly giving people permission to open up about themselves, acknowledge how little we all really have our lives together, and connect with someone for just a little while before walking away with the distinct impression things will be okay.

Practice this, master these traits and qualities, put in the work with people around you, and watch the world open up in ways you'd never expect.

Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...

YouTube channel here.