How To Work Out Any Problem In Relationships

So we all have that friend that is constant drama. We at the very least know of such people, even if we avoid them. They always seem to be in one argument or another with their boy or girlfriend, and generally bring drama everywhere they go. Hell, you might even be that person in your group of friends.

I’ve had several friends like this over the years, and one of my best friends since childhood, alongside her list of boyfriends, has been ruining parties and game nights and bar hopping evenings for everyone around more times than I care to count. Today, I want to talk about how you can avoid these people, prevent or stop yourself from being that person, and escape the types of relationships that consistently go down in flames.

There's no doubt it takes ‘two to tango' in a relationship, you can be incredibly calm and mature and still have a terrible go of it all. Knowing when to leave can be key, but for now we'll focus on more steady relationships. Presuming things with your significant other are fairly normal, refrain from using absolutes. 'Always' and 'never' are dangerous, and leave your partner feeling unappreciated. Instead, say things like “you rarely do this” or “you often forget to do this,” and offer a solution afterwards instead of blanket blame.

Avoid personal insulting and venting, it inhibits solutions to your problems from being introduced and earnestly discussed. Instead, present the problem at hand as plainly as possible and explain why you need things to change and how much it frustrates you. Be honest with your partner about your frustration while also acknowledging what they do right or correctly, what you love about them or how much better things have gotten.

Don’t drop the issue to avoid confrontation, and don’t steamroll your partner to end the argument on your terms. Listen to your partner’s perspective, and do your best to compromise and reach a resolution, yet be unapologetic about your own views and feelings. This involves a give-and-take strategy, and when both parties are on the same page, can and will produce beautiful results.

Additionally, don’t simply state what angers you or what you want changed before walking away like everything is fine. Sarcastically saying something akin to, "It's fine, do whatever you want," in a clearly upset manner helps nothing, and results in a greater break in communication that will only be amended upon openly talking about the issue calmly. There are times simply acknowledging a problem exists will be therapeutic, then letting things calm down before discussing a good idea, but don't let that time become a long-term event which results in kicking the proverbial can down the road.

Have boundaries each party must respect. These can be as obvious as not hitting each other, to avoiding talking about each other’s family members except when necessary. Make it work for your relationship, and stick with them. Openly discuss emotional triggers, phrases or actions which really get under your skin, when you argue so the two of you can avoid falling into the same explosive arguments time and again. It really cannot be said enough: communication is key.

To recap, avoid absolutes, insulting and venting. Be honest and fair to your partner’s positive traits, yet don’t drop the issue to avoid it nor steamroll as a petty attempt to win. Avoid simply saying what angers you before dropping it and declaring yourself fine, instead wait for a response and explain yourself as fully as you need to. And finally, set up reasonable boundaries both of you are clear about. Don’t be afraid to adjust any of these elements as time goes on, and don’t beat yourself or your partner up for not being perfect in conflict resolution.

Put these concepts into effect, and watch your relationships reach a whole new level of fulfillment. Best of luck!

Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...

YouTube channel here.

How To Build Your Self Confidence

Out of every positive personality trait known to mankind, which would stick out to you as being the most important and predictive of future success? Intelligence? Kindness? Adaptability? There are many excellent traits to possess, yet to maximize and truly embody each of your best traits, one must focus on crafting, feeling and showing self-confidence. This is what we will cover today.

One of the most important things to realize about confidence is it's multidimensional, and more than anything, a mindset. Nerds and jocks, men and women, anyone and everyone can achieve confidence in a given area of their life. Confidence comes in two major varieties, inner confidence about who you are as a person, and specific confidence regarding individual skills or actions.

For example, a professional boxer is going to feel much more confident in the ring than a novice, and a competitive archer more so than someone who's never touched a bow. Writing, public speaking, dating, social skills, driving etc. are all examples of things in our lives we can work at to become proficient and feel confident in. The same goes for less common skillsets, like coding or mixed martial arts or archery. Specific confidence requires work, effort, a mastery of skills. As you improve your skillsets in a variety of areas, your overall confidence grows also.

A general or inner confidence, on the other hand, largely comes from working on yourself as a person. Not to be confused with false bravado, true self-confidence comes from being at peace with yourself, wielding your strengths to the best of your ability, and working on your weaknesses to become a more well-rounded person. Acceptance of your flaws, self-love and respect for all the ways you're working to better yourself are keys to becoming your best self.

Struggle with your dating life? Work on it, read up, put yourself in more co-ed environments and push yourself to have conversations with the sorts of people you find attractive. Feel insecure about your body? Work at it, go to the gym, do body weight workouts at home, restructure your eating habits, build muscle tone and definition while trimming the unwanted bits. Concerned about the future of your career? Work on it, go back to school, finish up qualifications and degrees to make you stand out, get training and internships, start your own business, get side-hustles going to bring in additional passive income. The bottom line is: no matter what you're doing or feel insecure about, work at it, one or two priorities at a time, and feel your confidence build ever higher.

Holding yourself high as you walk, swaying your hips or shoulders as you move, chest out and head up, keeping eye contact and actively engaging in conversations, speaking with a deeper, clear and steady voice, dressing in a manner that emphasizes traits you feel good about etc. are all excellent ways to show and express confidence. Project confidence everywhere you go, practice it along with your other desired skills, and over time you'll feel a steady improvement until embodying confidence feels natural to you.

Respecting yourself and others is key to showing true, internal, mature confidence. Take an interest in other people, ask about their lives and families, and see that interest returned to you. Likewise, when people mistreat you, don't be afraid to walk away. One of the key components of calm confidence is refusing to stay in unhealthy environments or around toxic people. Focus on your life, family, career and goals in your day-to-day life. Always be kind and respectful, yet remember what is truly important to you. Balancing these two realms of focus can be tricky at times, but when combined correctly, makes for a very charismatic and charming person.

And, if you struggle with self-love and your own image, consider speaking to someone. Therapy is excellent for talking things out with yourself. The whole point of the ordeal is for a professional to ask questions meant to get one thinking about their struggles, hurts and frustrations, and allow for emotional healing. While not necessary, getting someone to help guid you through the process of working on yourself is not a sign of weakness, but acceptance and strength. It can go a long way in helping you improve your self-worth and confidence.

So, work on yourself, wherever and however that can fit into your life. Improve your weaknesses and emphasize your strengths, and never lose sight of your priorities in life. Walk taller, project yourself more when speaking, don't let others walk over you, and stay calm and respectful as much as humanly possible. Before you know it, you'll be walking around like a regular James Bond.

Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...

YouTube channel here.