How You Can Feel More Manly In Today's World

Welcome back. I'd like to start this off with a story. So, I have a friend whom I was meeting for lunch the other day. When I got to his place, his wife answered the door and told me my buddy was in the back room. As I approach, I walk in on him having a tea party with his four year old daughter, pinky extended with a comically undersized English hat and all. It was hilarious, with his tattooed arms and thick beard, but his reaction was the best part: he was calm, just looked at me with a big smile and said, “Ready to go?”

That was it! The guy was doing one of the least stereotypically masculine things one can imagine, yet I left there with the distinct impression this guy is a raging badass. And that, my friends, is the key to masculinity. Confidence, calm, collected, don’t-give-a-damn confidence.

Focus on what’s important to you, whether it be honing your strengths, improving your weaknesses, or a combo of both. Don’t be afraid to be a nerd or a gym-rat, and if you lean more one way than another, don’t be afraid to try something new.

Becoming a well-rounded person inherently improves your confidence, and with it, you will build a virtuous cycle of you accomplishing more, feeling more confident, and so on. Manliness comes from action, from doing that which defines you as a man.

Whether that be curling dumbbells or writing code, running a marathon or drawing superheroes, do it, work at it, set goals for yourself, and slowly get one accomplishment after another under your belt.

And crucially, being and feeling like a man means giving yourself permission to not overly care about what others think of you. We’re all going to be aware and conscious of how other’s respond to us, but don’t let it define you. You define your masculinity.

I’m a cop, have tattoos, work out regularly, have a loaded gun on or near me pretty much all the time, and tend to be considered a pretty masculine guy. Yet, I unapologetically love Disney movies, legitimately enjoy long walks on the beach, and will usually choose sweet and fruity alcoholic drinks if able. I am one of the nerdiest cops you will ever meet, and when my ex girlfriend finally got me to watch The Notebook with her, I teared up at the end. “I think our love can do anything we want it to.” It hits you in the feels!

And the best part is, I still feel manly as hell! Because the essence of masculinity is pursuing a life of passion, of loving deeply and chasing long-shot goals, staying light-hearted and never letting life stop you. Being a man is having cuddle-on-the-couch movie nights with your girl just as much as a night out with the guys. It’s taking time to invest in yourself, having friends and family you’d do anything for. Being a man is having an amazing, hat-wearing tea party with your four year old daughter. And, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...

YouTube channel here.

How To Build Your Self Confidence

Out of every positive personality trait known to mankind, which would stick out to you as being the most important and predictive of future success? Intelligence? Kindness? Adaptability? There are many excellent traits to possess, yet to maximize and truly embody each of your best traits, one must focus on crafting, feeling and showing self-confidence. This is what we will cover today.

One of the most important things to realize about confidence is it's multidimensional, and more than anything, a mindset. Nerds and jocks, men and women, anyone and everyone can achieve confidence in a given area of their life. Confidence comes in two major varieties, inner confidence about who you are as a person, and specific confidence regarding individual skills or actions.

For example, a professional boxer is going to feel much more confident in the ring than a novice, and a competitive archer more so than someone who's never touched a bow. Writing, public speaking, dating, social skills, driving etc. are all examples of things in our lives we can work at to become proficient and feel confident in. The same goes for less common skillsets, like coding or mixed martial arts or archery. Specific confidence requires work, effort, a mastery of skills. As you improve your skillsets in a variety of areas, your overall confidence grows also.

A general or inner confidence, on the other hand, largely comes from working on yourself as a person. Not to be confused with false bravado, true self-confidence comes from being at peace with yourself, wielding your strengths to the best of your ability, and working on your weaknesses to become a more well-rounded person. Acceptance of your flaws, self-love and respect for all the ways you're working to better yourself are keys to becoming your best self.

Struggle with your dating life? Work on it, read up, put yourself in more co-ed environments and push yourself to have conversations with the sorts of people you find attractive. Feel insecure about your body? Work at it, go to the gym, do body weight workouts at home, restructure your eating habits, build muscle tone and definition while trimming the unwanted bits. Concerned about the future of your career? Work on it, go back to school, finish up qualifications and degrees to make you stand out, get training and internships, start your own business, get side-hustles going to bring in additional passive income. The bottom line is: no matter what you're doing or feel insecure about, work at it, one or two priorities at a time, and feel your confidence build ever higher.

Holding yourself high as you walk, swaying your hips or shoulders as you move, chest out and head up, keeping eye contact and actively engaging in conversations, speaking with a deeper, clear and steady voice, dressing in a manner that emphasizes traits you feel good about etc. are all excellent ways to show and express confidence. Project confidence everywhere you go, practice it along with your other desired skills, and over time you'll feel a steady improvement until embodying confidence feels natural to you.

Respecting yourself and others is key to showing true, internal, mature confidence. Take an interest in other people, ask about their lives and families, and see that interest returned to you. Likewise, when people mistreat you, don't be afraid to walk away. One of the key components of calm confidence is refusing to stay in unhealthy environments or around toxic people. Focus on your life, family, career and goals in your day-to-day life. Always be kind and respectful, yet remember what is truly important to you. Balancing these two realms of focus can be tricky at times, but when combined correctly, makes for a very charismatic and charming person.

And, if you struggle with self-love and your own image, consider speaking to someone. Therapy is excellent for talking things out with yourself. The whole point of the ordeal is for a professional to ask questions meant to get one thinking about their struggles, hurts and frustrations, and allow for emotional healing. While not necessary, getting someone to help guid you through the process of working on yourself is not a sign of weakness, but acceptance and strength. It can go a long way in helping you improve your self-worth and confidence.

So, work on yourself, wherever and however that can fit into your life. Improve your weaknesses and emphasize your strengths, and never lose sight of your priorities in life. Walk taller, project yourself more when speaking, don't let others walk over you, and stay calm and respectful as much as humanly possible. Before you know it, you'll be walking around like a regular James Bond.

Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...

YouTube channel here.