Just like any other skill, charisma and likability can be learned. At its core, charisma involves being confident in yourself and investing in other people. It is learning about their lives and families, jobs and hopes for the future. Remembering details and names, to the best of your ability, and asking for updates when you see a given person again lets them know you care. Get to know a persons struggles, hobbies and thoughts on life, and find common ground to build rapport with them. Connect with people, and you will unlock depth and a willingness to share that even surprises them.
Imagine, if you will, a classic film showing a dapper spy or sultry femme fatale. What sorts of qualities would you immediately ascribe to him or her? Alluring, sexy, funny, charming, all legitimate descriptions. Fundamentally, they are all different aspects of charisma. The ability to ingratiate yourself with people, get them to like you and open up before extracting the information needed is precisely what makes for a good spy in such a setting. Yet, teachers, nurses, politicians, parents, managers, everyone can benefit from these skills, and put them to good use. Charisma isn't about manipulating people, it's about using your personality and charm to build as many personal alliances as possible.
So, if caring about people and showing it is the key to charisma, being confident and knowing your stuff is the lock. Being real about yourself, to yourself and others, and being willing to be at least a little bit vulnerable, is critical to people opening up and sharing with you. Humans inherently feel more at ease with a person willing to tell an embarrassing story about themselves or admit a humorous shortcoming, and taking advantage of this universal trait will allow you to develop a connection, however slight, with everyone around you. Leaving people with a positive impression of you, perhaps even a smile on their face, will pay dividends down the road.
Humor is one of the true keys here. Not everyone is born with a knack for making people laugh, but think about those that do. Chris Pratt, Dave Chapelle and Gabrielle Iglesias are all well known as funny and charismatic people because they're relatable and don't seem to take themselves too seriously. Apply this in your own life, as best you can, for maximum results. You don't need to be a professional comic or a celebrity to be funny. Even if you aren't currently gifted in 'making a funny,' working on being a little more self-deprecating when people discuss their own problems will go a long way towards allowing people to feel at ease around you.
Empathy, or identifying with other people and their perspectives, is really what much of this whole message comes down to. Confidence, a sense of humor, remembering details, taking an interest in others, these are all components of a charismatic person. It has long been this way, from ancient Rome to modern America, and will be such for the foreseeable future. No one is perfectly charming, we all have our off moods and days, and that fact can actually be used to boost your overall charm. We're all human, and that's what being likable is all about: tacitly giving people permission to open up about themselves, acknowledge how little we all really have our lives together, and connect with someone for just a little while before walking away with the distinct impression things will be okay.
Practice this, master these traits and qualities, put in the work with people around you, and watch the world open up in ways you'd never expect.
Thanks for reading! This blog works in tandem with my YouTube channel of the same name. Feel free to check it out if you enjoy my content here. Come back often for regular updates, and see you next time...
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