Yet, bullying is a problem beyond the realm of children. Bosses at work are often bullies, people in positions of authority, such as law enforcement or prison guards, can be bullies just as easily. Even our current President has made a name for himself being a raging bully and deeming it “saying it like it is” to make the whole charade more palatable. The problem surrounds us and permeates our society, much like corruption and sexual harassment. And as we all know too well, even our children are infected and affected by this lunacy.
Take Keaton Jones, an 11 year old boy from Tennessee who recently made a now-viral video calling out his bullies. He gave a heartfelt reflection on how messed up this whole thing is for anyone to go through, and it’s resonated with people. Celebrities, politicians and regular people from all over expressed their support for Keaton over social media, even extending invitations to be taken out on a yacht, hangout with Snoop Dog and attend the premier of the next Avengers film. There’s even a GoFundMe campaign to help pay for his future college education.
Keaton’s video is heartbreaking, no child should have to go through such nonsense. Yet, nearly all of us have, at one point or another, faced a bully in our own lives. In my experience, even bullies themselves are driven by abuse in their own life, often in the form of their parents. For example, in middle school, I had one particular guy from the baseball team that would harass me relentlessly, calling me short, fat, stupid and ugly, often trying to knock books or other items out of my hands, and generally just excelled at being a dick. I avoided him as often as I could, and survived all the way through high school and beyond, I’m pleased to announce.
Years later, I found out the same guy committed suicide. It turns out his mother had died when he was young, and his dad was a raging alcoholic who often beat him and his siblings. Eventually, he was placed in foster care, and it then hit me that I hadn’t seen him throughout almost all of high school. And now, years later, for reasons I’m still not aware of, he took his own life. The guy that made my life far more difficult was in fact living a miserable life himself, one far worse than my own.
There is no excuse for treating other people poorly, but it can help to understand all of us have challenges and bullies in our lives, and to try to empathize, to reach out and make as many friends and allies as possible. In fact, this was exactly my anti-bully strategy in middle and high school. I was never one of the coolest kids, but I was never at the bottom of the social hierarchy either. I played sports, dated pretty girls, and am built like a human tank. So, I made friends.
I looked for others who were picked on, those who didn’t have many friends, those who were more introverted, awkward, or considered weird by most others. It didn’t always work out, but I started going out of my way to befriend them. And more often than not, it worked. We built something of a coalition of misfits, and in so doing, insulated ourselves from the effects of bullying. We’re stronger in groups, as they say, and I’m still friends with many of these unlikely allies to this day. Building a solid network of people around you is a proven system which can work for anyone.
This is often easier said than done, and the plan wasn’t always perfect, but it helped quite a lot, and it can help you as well. Whether you’re still in school or a middle-aged professional, dealing with bullies requires self-confidence, strategic thinking, and friends. Develop these skills and connections, network and build a coalition around you, and do your best to hold bad behavior accountable. For example, if you work in an office space, and your boss is a jerk, connect with others who feel the same way. Bring the issues to his or her attention, and if they refuse to cooperate or change, consider going above your boss. Contact your HR department, if you can. Either way, you’re going to have to make a move at some point, even if it means leaving your job.
It’s 20-goddamn-17. We deserve better than the behavior of our primate ancestors, we need to do better than the behavior of our ancestors. It starts with each of us: invest in your children and guide them in dealing with their own bullies. Be the parent that records their child calling out their bullies, and help them build a self-confidence and network of people to help them through difficult times in their lives. Do the same in your life, and refuse to let people, even our own President, get away with such behavior. Just like Keaton says in his video: stay strong, things will get better. And they get better through all of us taking action, and demanding a better version of humanity.
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